The Midlife Wonder vs Crisis

The notion of crisis first needs a paradigm shift, a simple change of one word to apprehend the midlife happening differently. I hereby would like to propose an essay on looking at the inevitable midlife crisis through different lenses and discover the amazing shift it actually is in our life. This is meant to serve the ones, that are in the middle of the storm as well as the ones that are approaching it, with the aim to shed some light into their consciousness and share some of my modest findings as a happy survivor.

We call it a crisis because we don’t understand what is happening, our certitudes fall apart, the comfortable life we have spent our life to imagine and construct feels too comfortable, feels boring, feels meaningless. 

So we go crazy, we need change, we need a new look, we need the latest electronic gadget, we need a car or motorcycle, we need a new hobby and eventually we will need a new partner, preferably younger, and then we need a new career. We keep the kids because we are good people.

While the material compensations really will satisfy ourselves only for a limited time, while costing us a lot of money and polluting mother earth, changing job or changing partner may be the right thing for our evolution, our fulfillment, our happiness… but heck how tiring, painful, destabilizing can this period be, on top it usually isn’t a quickie and tends to deport us in every possible direction and dimensions for years.

So what is actually happening to us? Here is an essay looking at the midlife crisis through our bodies, the physical, the mental and the spiritual body:

Physically, the trigger is pretty clear to all I believe, as of the age of 40, if not before for some of us, our skin starts to show increasingly more wrinkles. Personally, when I was looking at the mirror I didn’t see myself anymore, I was just seeing these growing wrinkles around my mouth. No no no, they are just the expression of your joyful mood, was I trying to convince myself at start but I had to come to terms that they made me look older, oops they made me look my actual age, wide eyes! Some loose their hair, some get more and more invaded by grey hair, some get knee/wrist/shoulder/back pains, we all have our « no no no » moments.

Mentally, we have this thing in ourselves called ego. The game of the ego may be tricky to grasp at first as we have spent 40 years of our lives to grow and nurture our ego which is completely normal and an essential part of our individual evolution in this life. So the ego wants to continue to be the most successful, the most beautiful, the funniest, the most intelligent, the most loving, the most creative, the most what ever you want to be. Life though is giving you unconscious signs that we are not anymore the most of all of these, that some youngsters are having bright ideas and they look fabulous, but above all they have their life ahead of them. Indeed, we start slowly but surely to realize that half of our life is gone and that actually in 20 years from now we are retired and part of that population called the senior. This is clearly another « no no no » moment accompanied with its load of reactions. 

Spiritually, thanks god or whoever is at the creation of this beautiful play called life, we do have a spirit. The midlife crisis is actually the chance to lower the ego and leave space for the spirit to arise. Our spirituality lays naturally within us and can arise without any religious connection. The spirit is this inner deeper feeling of ourselves, it is the love that wants to express more completely, for ourselves, our loved ones but also, and especially as of midlife, to the world.

Midlife is when you realize that all the materialistic belongings you have acquired throughout the first half of your life aren’t sufficient, you thrive for more, you want to make a difference, you want to leave a legacy, you want a life worth living. Once you have gone through the tricks of the ego and realized that something deeper in yourself wants to express and express more completely, that is the trigger point when you discover the true magic of life and shine, love and beauty, from inside out. 

Reading this, you may have one of these « no no no » moment right now, telling yourself; this will not happen to me, I have always been in control of myself and my route has always been clear or I am strong enough not to be caught by these instinctive behaviors, or I just bought myself this beautiful house and I will forever be perfectly happy in it, or, or, …

Reality is that whatever the intensity, the midlife crisis happens to all of us and it is the best chance of our entire life to connect with our true nature, our inner self, and design the remainder of our life the way we want it to be and not the way our parents, society, our culture have designed it for us.

To finish off, I would like to share two pieces of advice. There are two key virtues I encourage you to develop, to embrace this life changing event with joy and peace, they are Courage and Patience. The patience will serve you not to rush into any drastic decision as you are being thrown on an emotional roller coaster and the courage not to settle into your uncomfortable comfort but rather allowing the evolutive journey to play its magic. 

Go out in nature or sit down to meditate but do it silently and you will be able to hear yourself, I know it has lots to say!

Wishing you a beautiful inner journey! With love,

Simone 

Image copyright @guillaume